Thursday, February 2, 2012

Life: Back to Routine

Its been a while since I've spent time updating posts on my blog. Last semester, I was in a constant routine of posting at least 5/7 days a week. Once I went on winter break, there was no time to post! I was having such a great time being back in Dallas and spending time with the people I love most. Spring semester is about 3 weeks in and for some reason I havent felt as inclined to blog. Now that I actually have time to sit down in a coffee shop and spend some time around the internet, though, I thought I should post something. 

Alot happened over break in my relationships, in my spiritual life, and in my heart. I wont go over all of it, but there are a few important things I want to update on. 

So, this whole winter break, I had been questioning what I was going to do my sophomore year. Should I stay at the University of Arkansas? Should I go to bible school? Should I do a music ministry internship? The question of "WHAT do I do" was at the front of my mind. Its all I could think about. I worried about it all the time. I wasnt getting a direct answer from God, so I was getting frustrated. I had three options:
1. Stay at the U of A
2. Go to SAGU and do their music ministry internship through the Oaks School of Leadership
3. Move back to North Texas, go to UNT or UTD, and potentially intern with my home church. 

During my winter break, I went to a conference through IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City. It was a 4 day conference with around 30,000 other believers. It was incredible. For months leading up to this conference, I had a strong feeling that God was going to speak direction in my life regarding school. I went expectant. The conference was amazing, I learned so much and I experienced so much of the fullness of God. The one thing Jesus spoke to me at that conference was that this next semester, He wanted me to know him deeper, for my knowledge of Him to expand and go to depths its never been before. While I was excited about that, I was so confused that I didnt leave with any more sense of direction than I had come to the conference with. So, from then on, I had decided I just wasnt going to think about it any more. I was going to focus on knowing God deeper, like he had lead me to, and if God wanted to move me, He would. About a week before I left to head back to Fayetteville, I was journaling my prayers and I just had this supernatural peace fall over me about staying. I feel like (it seems so obvious now) that if I was supposed to leave Arkansas, I wouldn’t have to worry & stress over it. It would be made clear to me. I also feel like I overestimated how long 3.5 years is. I mean, three and a half years…that’s all I have of college years, years I’m never going to get back. These years being spent at the University of Arkansas hold so much opportunity: traveling opportunities, personal growth, testing of faith, etc. No matter how much I miss my family, friends and church, the reality is that they are all going to still be in my life, and in Texas by the time I graduate.
Lastly, I felt like I had been trying to put God’s plans into my own timing. I felt like if I didn’t pursue what I thought I needed to pursue, where I needed to pursue it, then the calling in my life wouldn’t be fulfilled. Now what kind of thinking is that?

Now that I’ve decided to stay, my second semester has been so great. In every way, I feel such confirmation in staying here. Doors have been opened, relationships have been put in front of me, and I am feeling the presence of God in my life in such a new way. I’m more than excited for whats ahead, and I’m excited to blog every step of the way ;).


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